emotional and/or/vs physical? O no, i’m getting personal..

by caro on January 12, 2010 · 4 comments

I have been somewhat reticent at emitting this post at risk of seeming completely self-immersed, and actually being open about the physical pain that lives in me. But a few dear friends and peers assure me, try to convince me that my story is interesting and may be of use/worth to others. Plus I read this nice quote that “self-knowledge actually leads away from self-absorption” (Stephanie Dowrick) cos the more u know the less u need to gaze in yer navel.

And it is new album “til you’re no longer blinkered” theme related stuff. Since a hardcore new level of pain and sacral dismantlement, I have once again been sent back to my drawing board, back to base. back to the being rather limited, exhausted and horizontal. Surgeon consultants, doctors and painkillers. unable to meet a straight-forward mechanical explanation or solution, I had to stop. Again. So many questions. And forced to consider (again) that my physical pain seems linked to emotional stuff. For me.

Sleep, dreams and free health spa trials are more useful to me than painkillers. And then came the timely suggestions of CDs, books, tabletop dishwasher (i know bad for climate change, but a life/body saver for me and i do use it responsibly) and alternative/natural treatments. I did a guided meditation and the nasty gnawing nerve pain evaporated. Bonkers. Apparently there was no “ebb and flow” of spinal fluid going beyond my bellybutton. And i feel some mad seismic shifts going on – anyone remember the castrol GTX TV ads in the 80’s? Dreams have uncovered emotional backlog and practical next steps.

hyper mobile 2

i have surrendered to this process, even tho it feels like the pain might swallow me up some days. In the hope that this is impermanent – a shedding of more stale skins – so i can be stronger, lighter, brighter and more useful…or at least more able and less exhausted. And it’s almost unfolding as a somewhat fascinating journey – an accelerated spell of curvatious learning for sure. In what we are made of and the habits we inhabit…the stuff i love to wax lyrical like a candle that can burn at both ends at the same time without risk of being finite.

So, you see it is inextricably linked with the musical output…

The plain and the pressure
in perfekt disharmony;
The plain, the pressure
in imperfect harmony


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

admin January 13, 2010 at 7:13 pm

thanks so all for your kind, eloquent and rather convincing justifications for my desire/need to divulge that info :>

Harrie C January 13, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Seeing as notions of the ‘the abstract disembodied individual’, the separation of mind and body, and the ‘personal-public’ divide have all been tools with which to demonise, exclude, control and disadvantage many people … your sharing of how you cope my dear with chronic back pain on a daily basis is important and valid in my view – whether it is for you and / or for others! ..xx

lisa January 13, 2010 at 1:00 am

Hey girl, thanks so for sharing. This is one I’ll read again and again. Of COURSE it’s inextricably linked to the music! That’s ’cause your music is so authentic…really really looking forward to the acupuncture accompaniment tracks, by the way!
xoxo lisa

Into The System January 12, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Sorry to hear about your back but think it is good to blog about it.

I’m sure you can tell how helpful I find it to blog about emotional pain. Blogging can be so powerful. Read some of the stuff about the mental health blogosphere and you will see that. An article on the Mind website yesterday actually talks about some of the best blogs out there.

I know there are differences between mental and physical pain, but as you say you are unsure where the problem lies. I think you will find it helpful to write about it. May be self centred but if it helps, so be it and you will realise you help others too. I started writing for me and now have a dedicated and readership.

Anyway writing on phone and should probably stop. Take care. L x

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